Sakura's Lament
by Esus927
Summary: Sakura finds out that her actions have consequences when it’s too late.


**Quick Note:** This was the prologue of a story I had intended to write, but I couldn't find any desire to continue it with Sakura as a focal point (my original reason for even starting the story). I didn't want to force the plot to move along, especially when I have two posted stories and a couple more ideas saved on Word, so I removed a couple parts and will simply leave it as a one-shot.

**Sakura's Lament**

_Summary: Sakura finds out that her actions have consequences when it's too late._

"Their ceremony was nice," a large breasted blonde commented as she and her apprentice stepped into the Hokage's office. "He looked very handsome and she was beautiful."

Sakura merely grunted in response while pulling out a few bottles of sake. The blonde woman took a seat in one of the chairs and positioned a small table between the two chairs. The pink haired apprentice attempted to locate some glasses for a moment before giving up. She decided to take one of the bottles for herself and give another to the older Hokage.

"What did you think of the service?" Tsunade scrutinized the other girl as she sat across from the blonde.

Sakura merely ripped the cap off the bottle and took a swig of the alcohol.

"You didn't seem too happy for them." The older women pointed out while calmly unscrewing the sake lid and placing it on the table, the blonde knew this conversation would require lots of alcohol. "Is it that you're not happy for them or that you aren't happy for _him?_"

"Why wouldn't I be happy for him?" Sakura tried to sound sincere. "He deserves to be happy."

Tsunade nodded in agreement. "Oh, I agree. He does. But you didn't answer my question."

The younger woman took another drink of sake, losing herself for a moment to the burning sensation of the liquid.

"Am I happy for him?" Sakura repeated the question as she stared at a spot on the wall. "He's my friend and I should be happy for him. She's my best friend and I should be happy for her."

The girl turned from the wall and made eye contact with her older sensei.

"No. No I'm not happy for either of them."

_A young woman with pink colored hair stood in a hallway hammering away at an apartment door. As soon at the door swung open she started ranting._

"_Naruto, why in the hell did I hear that Ino left your apartment this morning?" Sakura was practically seething as she spat the question out. "There damn well better be a good explanation!"_

_The blond man being yelled at was shocked at the vehemence coming from his former teammate._

"_She spent the night, what's the big deal?"_

"_What's the big deal?!" The woman looked as though she had been slapped. "I'll tell you what the big deal is! People might think that you two are in a relationship, but that's not the case? Right?"_

_She took a threatening step toward him as she glared at him, daring him to confirm her accusation._

"_Where is the coming from?" Naruto tried to steer the conversation away from this topic. "People gossip, you shouldn't let it affect you, Sakura."_

"_So, there isn't any… wait, 'Sakura'?" She looked a little hurt as she realized what he called her. "When did you stop calling me Sakura-chan?"_

_The man grimaced slightly as he rubbed the back of his head nervously._

"_It's just… I thought maybe it was a time for a change." He nodded slightly at his reasoning. "You know, since we aren't kids anymore, I shouldn't be calling every girl chan."_

"_B-but you've always called me chan." She tried not to show how much it affected her._

_He shifted uncomfortably on his feet._

"_I just figure it's more proper to not use that suffix for everyone," he said before quickly reassuring her. "It doesn't mean I don't care about you still though. Nothing else has changed."_

"_We are – or were – teammates for years, you can still call me chan."_

"_Oh, okay. Sure." He glanced at the time and seen he needed to hurry. "Look, I need to go. I'm late and Ino-chan is gonna kill me."_

_Naruto regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth._

"_Ino-chan?" Sakura was livid. "Why the hell is she a chan but I'm not?"_

_When she noticed he didn't seem to want to respond dread began to form in her stomach._

"_There isn't anything, um, going on between you and Ino, right?" Her voice was hopeful._

_His shoulders seemed to sag as though under a heavy burden._

"_Sakura…chan, why don't you come in and we can talk inside." He stepped aside so she could walk into his home. He quickly formed a Kage Bunshin and sent it to talk to Ino while the real him shut the door. "Do you want something to drink?"_

"_No, I don't want anything to drink!" She was insulted that he was stalling. "What I want is to know that you aren't fucking my best friend behind my back."_

_Naruto flinched at the tone and the blunt words._

"_What do you mean behind your back?"_

"_Stop changing the damn subject!" Her fists tightened and she looked like she was going to punch him. "Naruto, are you or are you not in a relationship with Ino? Just answer the damn question."_

_He took a seat across from her and put his head in his hands as he hunched over. He didn't uncover his eyes as he nodded._

_Sakura's legs became unsteady as he confirmed her fears, she was barely able to stumble onto his futon._

"_Wha-what?" Her eyes became misty as she softly spoke._

_He removed his hands from his face as he leaned a little more forward and placed his elbows on his knees._

"_Um, Ino and I are together." He still didn't meet her eyes._

"_I-I don't understand." She rubbed at her eyes to prevent herself from crying. "W-when did this happen?"_

"_A few months ago," he said as he spared a glance at her face. "Remember that mission to Suna that I went on? Ino was my partner for it and things just happened."_

"_I thought… that you lo-loved me?" Her voice cracked as she reached for some hope._

"_I do." Naruto's voice was softer than she had ever heard it._

_Sakura's worries were pushed aside as she became incensed at the idea of him using her best friend._

"_What do you mean you love me?" She stood quickly as her voice rose. "So, what, Ino is just some girl for you to fuck?"_

"_No!" He defended himself passionately. "That's not it at all! I love Ino and I would never do anything to hurt her like that!"_

_She took a step back at his outburst._

"_You can't love both of us Naruto!" _

_He hung his head in disgust at himself as he responded. "But I do."_

_Sakura was forced to sit down again as she heard the sincerity of his statement. Nothing was said for a few minutes, both thinking different things._

_Naruto was ashamed of his inability to let go of his feelings for his old teammate. Those emotions were constantly warring with his thoughts of Ino and the guilt he felt hiding that relationship from Sakura._

_Sakura was still coming to terms with the idea that Naruto – her Naruto – had, or was moving on from her. And that he still loved her, but if he loved her then how could he be with Ino?_

"_How can you love her," she struggled with the words, "if you still love me?"_

"_I don't know," he said while rubbing his forehead with frustration. "I didn't plan it. We bonded on the way to Suna and then they were having a celebration there. After we finished the mission early we took some time off and joined in the party. We spent the night dancing and drinking and we just…"_

_He didn't finish the thought, but Sakura didn't need him to._

"_If… if you still love me," her eyes began to tear up again. "Then why didn't you say something to me? Why didn't you talk to me?"_

_Naruto didn't reply. He couldn't without hurting her and he didn't want to hurt her anymore._

"_Naruto," Sakura regained some of her composure. "Please, why didn't you say something to me?"_

"_It's because…" Guilt welled up inside him as he refused to fully explain._

"_Is it because you love… her more?" She sighed in relief as he shook his head in the negative. "Then what is it? Please, just tell me."_

"_I can't tell you," his eyes pleading her to let it go. "I just can't, please don't make me tell you."_

"_Naruto," she moved to kneel in front of him, grasping both his hands with hers. "Please, it hurts to not know. I don't care what it is, I just need to know."_

_His eyes watered at the hurt he knew she would feel._

"_It's that I don't trust you." The words barely spoken above a whisper sent her reeling._

"_What… what do you mean you don't trust me?" She was shocked and confused. "We go on missions all the time, why would you have trouble trusting me?"_

"_Not like that," he shook his head and a tear fell from his eye. "I don't trust you here."_

_He softly thumped his heart twice._

"_What?" Her mind was trying to comprehend what he just said when it all clicked in place. "Naruto, I don't love _him_ anymore. I haven't for years. Please, please believe me." She was begging him._

"_I want to believe you, I really do Sakura." Despair played across his face. "But I can't. I can't just forget all the times I was the third wheel to your Sasuke and Sakura show. I can't forget all the times you cheered him on while you berated me for trying to help you. I can't just forget that you manipulated my emotions to make me promise to bring him back."_

_He rubbed a few tear tracks away._

"_I've been second place most my life, I won't accept being second place in my family's eyes."_

_Sakura couldn't describe the amount of anguish she felt at that moment. It had only gotten worse as she listened to his speech. A decade's worth of abuse had finally caught up with her. The young man she had been falling in love with didn't trust her with his heart and refused to open it up to her. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought._

"_You wouldn't. I swear Naruto, you wouldn't," she choked out as tears began falling from her eyes. "You have to believe me. I don't care about him anymore. I love you Naruto. I do."_

"_I'm sorry, Sakura." He hated himself for causing her pain, but he didn't want to lie to her. "But I can't do it anymore. I love you, I really do, but I won't allow myself to be hurt anymore."_

That day had haunted her days and nights. She had even threatened to tell Ino about him loving them both if he wouldn't give her a chance. Only for him to tell her that Ino already knew, and while the Yamanaka girl didn't like it she eventually came to accept it. Naruto had given her so many chances to start a relationship, eventually he had just given up hope.

Sakura spent most of her days wallowing in regret. Wishing she could go back and undo so many things. She had never realized or thought about how much her treatment had affected Naruto. Not until it was too late to change anything. She had spent over ten years, ever since she first met him, slowly chipping away at his self-esteem and confidence. Naruto had been left with a lot of insecurities from that treatment, most of them because of Sakura. Those same insecurities caused him to doubt his faith in her words and motives.

"How can I be happy when I just watched the man I love marry my best friend?" She downed a quarter of the bottle after her heavy admission.

Tsunade didn't seem shocked by the proclamation.

"Part of me wants to blame Ino," Sakura commented. "The screw-up leads way back to when we were both kids. She had heard of there being one Uchiha left from someone in her clan and said that she was going to marry him one day. We were kids and kids are stupid and immature. So I figured I would make the same pledge. I didn't even know the boy's name and I spent a lot of time dreaming of marrying him and having a family."

She shrugged as she took another swig of the sake.

"When I first seen him he was dark, cute and mysterious. Everything a little girl looks for in a boy at that age. I drifted further into my fantasy world. Then we got put on the same team and I figured it was fate saying that we were meant to be together," she snorted at the thought. "Naruto suffered a lot because of it. I can admit that now.

"He was forced to take up my slack since I was a horrible kunoichi and he had to also deal with Sasuke's attitude and ego. I used to think he was so pathetic, how he tried so hard to make everyone happy and safe. Then Sasuke defected and I made the biggest mistake of my life. I used Naruto's crush on me to get him to make one of his 'never go back on his word' promises to bring Sasuke back safe."

Sakura wiped away a few tears that formed.

"Naruto came back to the village half-dead with a huge whole in his chest and the only thing I could think of was that Sasuke wasn't with him. He nearly died because I wanted him to ensure the safety of a traitor," a sob escaped her throat. "And even still I didn't really care. It wasn't until years later when I stopped living in a fantasy world did I realize just how amazing Naruto was. Dark and mysterious may have been attractive qualities as a little girl, but as a woman Naruto was everything you want in a husband and father."

She finished what was left in her bottle as she sluggishly reached for another container of sake, the alcohol beginning to inhibit her motor functions.

"I tried to drop hints and be subtle about my feelings for him, but nothing happened. I figured he was just too stupid to see them." She uttered a drunken laugh full of self-loathing. "Even now, when I love him, I can't help but insult him. I really never deserved him, did I?" She questioned rhetorically as she slowly opened her second bottle.

"I never considered the idea that he did see them, he just ignored them. Did you know I confronted him about his relationship with Ino a few months ago?"

Tsunade said nothing, simply shaking her head and letting the younger girl ramble. The blonde Hokage knew it would only be good for the girl to get everything off her chest.

"He told me that he loved both of us – Ino and me. He said he just didn't trust my feelings for him. He didn't want to expose himself to more heartache. I can't even blame him for that. Hell, if some guy treated me the same way I treated Naruto I wouldn't even talk to him anymore."

Her eyelids were getting heavy by now.

"Love is all you need." She quoted one of the many romance novels she had read as a child with a frown. "Such bullshit! Those stupid books never mentioned how fragile or how important trust was. I should track the people that write that garbage and give them a super powered punch to the gut! Then they can know what it feels like to be me – the bastards!"

She punctuated her declaration by slamming her first onto the Hokage's desk, leaving a noticeable dent.

"I just…" She blinked rapidly as she tried to clear her vision while placing the sake bottle down. "I just wish I could redo it, all of it."

Sakura slowly lowered herself to rest her head on her crossed arms.

"That's all I want, Tsunade-sama," she murmured lethargically as her eyes closed. "Just a second chance to have him."

Tsunade sighed as she screwed the caps on the opened bottles and began cleaning up.

_End_


End file.
